Generally speaking I am a huge fan of a very masculine man. I like everything that represents masculinity – rough hands, deep voices, and giant Gaston from Beauty and the Beast-like jawlines. I love it all. The only not-so-masculine man that I can say that
I have ever had a crush on is Kanye West. I’m a huge fan of his music, his mind, and his ability to totally recklessly disregard public opinion of him and his views. Keeping his views and rants completely out of the equation, something has to be said for a man strong enough to not care what anybody thinks about him ever. I love it. I respect it. I admire it. But…there is a thick line between masculinity and what they call, “metrosexualism”. And on Thanksgiving Kanye and a member of my family crossed that very same line.
I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for the very first time for about 25 people last Thursday. I had an apartment full of family and friends. I made mac and cheese, dressing, collard greens, candied yams, fried chicken, turkey, ham, etc…And I did an amazing job with the help of my personal 1 day indentured servants, my little brother and my cousin Jimmy. Jimmy traveled all the way to LA from Phoenix to come and hang out with the fam and me for the holiday. Jimmy is one of my favorite people in the whole world. He’s in his early 20′s, he has a heart of gold, very funny, and he’s a total ladies man. Girls LOVE LOVE LOVE him. He’s always talking about his newest conquest. He’s very attractive and he knows it. He’s constantly in the mirror, flexing his muscles, brushing his hair, and studying his own face. To an outsider it could be a bit annoying but as a family member you just get used to it and ignore it.
So anyways, I kept Jimmy and my little brother up all night on Thanksgiving eve with petty slave work while I cooked. And then I woke them up early in the morning to continue cleaning, washing dishes, and about 776 trips to the local grocery store while I prepared the food. We got all of 4 hours of sleep. After I was done cooking everyone came over, we all ate and had a great time. As the night whined down, the remaining stragglers and I chilled out and continued to laugh, tell jokes and surf the Internet on our respective laptops for funny YouTube videos that we could share with each other (we do this as a family all the time). That’s when I came across this disturbing picture of Kanye West performing at the Thanksgiving day parade.
I was confused. Why is Kanye wearing this amazing 3.1 Phillip Lim women’s coat??? I’m in love with Kanye, I’m in love with this coat, but not together. Together, I hate them both! Was this Kanye or was this his ex Amber Rose with dark hair and black face makeup? This is clearly a women’s coat. Kanye is a MAN! Why is this happening? I’m not even going to talk about the sweatband around his head in 40º weather. But this coat…(scratching my head). This coat is HOT! I want this coat! This is beyond metrosexual. This right here is cross dressing! And Kanye has crossed the cross dressing line.
We all had a good laugh about this and then moved on to the next video.
In the corner of the room, I could see that the fatigued Jimmy was starting to drift off on my living room floor. As it became obvious that he couldn’t keep his eyes open he looked at me and said “Nicol-eee, you have a scarf that I could use to tie up my hair with?”. My immediate emotion was one so confused with laughter, irritation, and cluelessness, that I my whole body was frozen with bewilderment. I finally came to about 6 whole seconds later and I responded “Come again?” as I slowly turned my head about 45º, squinted my eyes, and furrowed my brow in puzzlement. Jimmy said “I need a scarf to tie my hair up with so that my hair doesn’t get ruined”. I quickly replied “Hellz Naw!!!” The room roared with laughter. I got up from the couch and proceeded to the kitchen to start cleaning. I got about 20 minutes into the process when my little bother came into the kitchen and mouthed to me “GO LOOK AT JIMMY IN THE LIVING ROOM”. I went into the living room only to find Jimmy preparing to tie his hair up with one of my scarves, that he stole from my dresser in my bedroom!!!!! I yelled “ARE YOU SERIOUSLY STEALING ONE OF MY SCARVES??? ARE YOU THAT PRESSED???” He very calmly said …”yes”. In that moment I concluded that Jimmy was a hardcore metrosexual and I didn’t want to stand in the way of that. So I gave him the rattiest oldest scarf that I could find so that he could tie up his hair and shut the eff up.
I had to get a pic. Here he is in my old ratty scarf
I hadn’t laughed so hard within a 30 minute period since I saw comedienne Aja Kimm perform at our Eye Candy Comedy show. But for now, I have my work cut out for me. I have to track Kanye’s 3.1 Phillip Lim coat down because its going to go perfect with this sexy red strapless cocktail dress from the Estava Morioka collection.
The World Is Your Red Carpet